***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
