Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
