after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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