the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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