The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
