I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Your dad touched me again.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
