I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
4 words: hood of his car
He kissed a someone with a penis
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
