Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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