as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
