Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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