dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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