The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
