so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
