and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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