what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
