She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
