i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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