If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
