real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
