Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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