i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
