Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish I only lived at night.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
