Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
