Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
