Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
