what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
