I wanna bring you to show and tell
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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