Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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