the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
