I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
