he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
