I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
