YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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