Cold hands, warm shart.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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