I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
