We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You smell like stripper and shame
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
