how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
