I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
