if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
