Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
