he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i out mim tonsoeep
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