a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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