And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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