Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
