I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
