dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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