i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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