so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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