Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
