he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
