Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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